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Conflict, Hurt and Harm Policies and Procedures

Introduction

This document outlines INN and NAA's shared commitment to abolitionist principles in a dominant culture where we are inundated with carceral ways of thinking and being. 

These principles, values, codes of conduct and procedure are our best attempt at holding our community when we are in conflict, when we cause one another pain, intentionally or unintentionally, and when harm and abuse occur. 

We aim to follow the leadership of people who have been holding their communities together without police for years and centuries. We echo the words of the In It Together Toolkit:

This work grows from soil enriched with indigenous and aboriginal healing traditions and governance practices. These ideas are rooted in the imagination of prison abolitionists, queer Black feminist thought, and the lessons learned from years of implementation and experimentation with restorative justice, community accountability and transformative justice-based efforts to address harm. We also owe this framework to hundreds of years of work to dismantle white supremacy and build communities grounded in accountability, reciprocity, and ethics of care and love and abundance.

In creating this document, we seek to build on this tradition, taking responsibility for crafting a specifically Jewish ethos of transformative justice to meet the needs of our movements and our communities.

We view transformative justice and community accountability as liberatory approaches to intervening in harm in ways that don’t perpetuate harm.

This can mean: 

1) Stopping the harm or violence that is occurring 

2) Supporting the people who experienced harm in meaningful, values-aligned ways 

3) Supporting the people who caused harm to repair harm if possible, and regardless, to understand their behavior and not repeat it; And 

4) Supporting the community in holding and repairing the harm within the community AND transforming conditions that allowed the harm to arise in the first place.


We do not have all the answers, and we can’t promise to fully meet everyone’s needs. We, like countless others who care about responding to conflict and harm in liberatory ways, are experimenting and learning as we go. We can’t guarantee that these processes will bring healing, transformation, or justice. Instead, we commit to adhering to the values and commitments laid out here to the best of our ability, and to doing our best to treat every person with respect, care, and dignity.

Terms & Definitions

adrienne maree brown writes:

Movements can end up in major conflicts that, had they been caught at the moment of misunderstanding, could have been resolved or avoided. Movements can end up trying to be publicly accountable for instances of abuse, harm, or conflict that are personal and require a longer term healing practice than our organizations are equipped to provide…In my vision of healthy movements, we are able to easily communicate about whether we are in a conflict or misunderstanding, if we are uncomfortable with how others are navigating contradictions… whether harm has happened or is happening, and whether we are witnessing or experiencing abuse.

We want to differentiate hurt and pain from harm and abuse. We will offer some definitions for the purpose of this document, and acknowledge that in practice/the lived experiences of these things occurring, the distinctions are not always this straightforward. We don't want language to become a tool to invalidate anyone's pain. We do want to use language and definitions in ways that mitigate implicit bias, and help us find clarity and move in alignment with our values. We do want more tools for discernment and accountability. We offer these distinctions in service of this.

Disagreement means there is a lack of consensus or agreement, there is a difference of opinions, or potentially an argument, between two or more people. 

Conflict is when different interests, values, directions, wants or needs are in tension with one another, and clash with one another. 

Misunderstanding/miscommunication involves incorrectly interpreting or not understanding what is being communicated, or not communicating something in a way that is being accurately interpreted by another party. A misunderstanding can be resolved through clarification, and if not addressed, can become a conflict. Identity and experience can also play a role and heighten the intensity of misunderstandings/miscommunications into conflict.

Hurt is an experience of emotional, psychological, or physical pain. 

Harm is the impact felt when a person is deprived of, or senses a threat to an essential need as a result of the action or inaction of another person, group, institution, or system. Essential needs can include access to care, food, shelter, money, safety, dignity, and bodily autonomy. People can also experience harm when faced with behaviors that mirror or embody past experiences of systemic harm. As such, many of us unintentionally cause harm by replicating internalized practices and norms that uphold systems of oppression.

A note about hurt vs. harm: The word “harm” is used to hold one party responsible for another party’s pain. When using this word, it’s worth considering a few things:

  • The origins of the pain: Did this person cause your pain, or did they re-activate a wound that was already there?
    • Example: You inadvertently brush against a cut on someone’s arm, causing pain. You played some role in activating it, but you didn’t cause the cut. This helps clarify how much responsibility you hold for the pain.
    • Example: Someone walks into a room, and they remind you of someone who caused us harm in the past. You may be activated, or even triggered. The person is not responsible for your feeling of activation – and the feelings can likely only be resolved by addressing your past experiences of harm. (Although, if this falls along the lines of power and identity, the person may have a general responsibility to learn about the power dynamics at play associated with their identity and work to account for or shift them.)
  • The context of the interaction: Is a person experiencing pain in the context of a conflict? Or does the context include things like boundary violations or abuses of power?
    • “Hurt can be part of conflict, where we’re just disagreeing and not aligned on our values, and you may feel very much pained from that, but that comes from the fact that we actually just disagree, and you’re hurt from the disagreement. And that happens. That can be a natural consequence from conflict. We need to learn how to distill these things in order to not layer them on top of each other. To feel pain that someone deliberately inflicted on you is different from feeling hurt as a result of being in conflict with someone.” - Mariame Kaba


Abuse is a systematic pattern of behaviors where one person exercises power or control over another person(s), and non-consensually harms them continuously over time.

Values and Principles 

Adapted from Kavod’s Transformative Justice Principles & NAA’s Fall 2020 online Transformative Justice training

We are all worthy, messy humans.

We believe that each of us is inherently valuable. We resist the either/or thinking between victims and perpetrators in a world where we all simultaneously experience and enact oppressive behaviors. We reject a widespread culture of alienation, punishment, and disposability, and work toward one of relationships, connection, and courage. Our accountability processes embrace the complexities of who we are, while upholding dignity, agency, and consent.

Accountability is a gift, not a burden.

We name and address differences in power in cases of interpersonal harm. Emphasizing impact over intention, we commit to taking accountability where we have caused harm, understanding that everyone is capable of causing and experiencing harm. Our accountability processes embrace the complexities of who we are, while upholding dignity, agency, and consent. 

Accountability is not punishment. 

Transformative justice is our movement’s commitment to addressing interpersonal and community harm outside of carceral systems and logics of disposability. As abolitionist movements, we do not believe that systems of punishment and violence can bring us any closer to real justice or right-relationship. We reject a widespread culture of alienation, punishment, and disposability, and work toward one of connection, courage, and repair. 

Accountability is our shared responsibility to one another. 

We believe that accountability is both a communal obligation and an opportunity to embody our vision for the world-to-come. When conflict and/or harm arises in the movement, we commit to creating spaces and processes where needs can be expressed and respected. We draw on our collective strengths and resources to support those who have experienced harm. We work to remove material and emotional barriers that often stand in the way of individuals and groups accounting for their actions and impact. We believe that everyone has knowledge and skills to offer this work, and to support each other through the discomfort of learning and leaning into new ways of addressing conflict and/or harm. 

Accountability is a compass, not a map. 

We operate at the scale of the harm and the speed of trust. Repair is slow and messy work with no one-size-fits-all approach or process. We recognize that even under the most favorable of circumstances, total healing & repair is never a guarantee. When this work gets messy, and especially when we are called in to take accountability, we commit to engaging authentically and with resilience. Even when challenging, we believe that there is inherent value in the process of seeking repair, because when we wholeheartedly commit to the messiness of the work, we can unlock the potential for transformation.

Accountability is love put to action. 

We honor and practice loving critique (תוֹכֶחָה- tochecha) because love and learning are critical to liberation. We give ourselves permission to consider conflict a generative opportunity for deep learning because we know that love without action is not enough to break down lifelong patterns of oppressive behavior, both as individuals and as a community. We commit to loving each other enough to let each other know where our growing edges are, and see ongoing feedback as an important gift and practice. We believe our shared vision and values will hold us as we confront internal conflict, disrupt the status quo, and commit to accountability for a freer future.

Code of Conduct & How We Live Into It

All members of IfNotNow are expected to adhere to our Code of Conduct, which lays out the ways in which we commit to interacting with each other. 

It’s not enough to just intervene in emergencies. To support a healthy movement culture, we must work proactively to build our people’s skills around conflict and harm, foster a culture where people treat each other well, and make sure support is readily available before things get really hard.

For this reason, we will put resources not only towards addressing active conflict and harm, but also towards cultivating a healthy culture. We will support leaders to help set the tone for how we treat each other in virtual and in-person movement spaces, and invite people to modify their behavior when they are not acting in alignment with our code of conduct.

Responsive Measures: How we address conflict, hurt and harm when they arise

If you experience something painful or challenging when interacting with other members of the movement, you have options.

  • One option is to try having a conversation with the person (or people) involved.
    • As a movement, we seek to empower and support each other to address challenges in our relationships with one another. We trust that often conflicts (and even some instances of harm) present an opportunity to deepen our understanding of one another and invest in the health of our movement.
    • Note: We recognize that this isn’t appropriate in moments of serious harm, but in other cases, we invite you to consider this as a first step. 
    • If you need support for a one-on-one conversation (help preparing, or someone to sit in on the conversation with you), you can ask for support from a trusted member of the movement, or a member of the staff team.
  • The other option is to request formal support. We strongly encourage members of the movement to request formal support for any code of conduct violation that you do not feel equipped to handle without more formal support.
    • You can request support by contacting symone@neveragainaction.com. If you indicate that you’re asking for support around a consent violation, we will work to make sure you’re supported by people who have experience responding to consent violations.
    • Your request will go to Symone, NAA Membership & Field Organizer who will work with you to assess your needs and, if needed, connect you to peer support or professional facilitators, depending on the situation. 
    • If those people are implicated/involved, you can email Jules@neveragainaction.com or complete this form for peer support.

Scope of what we can and can’t address:

We can address (at least to some extent):

We can’t address:

  • We can’t address situations between people who aren’t members of our movement. If one person involved is a member of our movement, we will evaluate on a case-by-case basis what degree of response or support is appropriate from us. 
  • We may not be able to get involved in situations that already have criminal justice system involvement. 
  • We generally can’t address situations that took place more than three years ago. The longer ago an event took place, the more challenging it is for us to establish what happened, account for what has happened since the incident, and determine what an appropriate response would be now. 

How we'll respond if you ask for support:

  • Following up: If you have requested support, we will prioritize clear, transparent communication with you, and will check for consent before moving forward with a response.
    • Throughout our involvement, we will work with you to identify what support you need, and gauge what needs can be met by the movement (including informal structures in the movement, like your interpersonal relationships, and formal structures, like this process) and what needs can be met elsewhere (by your personal support system, therapy, etc).
    • We will also respect your privacy. We will weigh your desires and need for privacy above all else; we will also take into consideration factors like community safety, the well-being of other involved parties, and fairness to everyone involved.
  • Discerning “What happened”: The first step in our process will be to speak with the people most directly involved to learn more about what happened, so that we have as much shared understanding as possible about the subjective experiences involved, the role each person played, and the impact on each person.
  • Determining whether to respond: Depending on considerations including the needs of the parties involved, the parameters of what we can and can’t address outlined above, and our capacity, we may take action (as outlined below) or we may archive the information and recommend no specific action at this time.
  • Possible responses: From here, we may do some of the following:
    • Repair: We may support a process of repair, if the parties involved believe repair is a possibility and are willing to attempt it. This may involve one party making amends to another, or all parties working through a conflict together in a generative, supported way.
    • Conditions: In cases where one person caused harm, we may ask them to take a pause from involvement until a certain amount of time has passed or certain conditions have been met. When we set conditions like this, we will work to counter our culture’s tendency to specifically devalue and disregard the needs of survivors, but we will also take seriously the boundaries and autonomy of all people involved. When we set conditions on movement involvement, we do so for the following reasons:
      • To support the boundaries and safety of someone who has experienced harm and enable them to remain involved in the movement (for example, someone may request that a person who harmed them not be on the same teams as them, or that they not be present at an event at the same time. In extreme cases, such as stalking, harassment or abuse, we may refer people to professional services to intervene around harm. We will support the impacted parties in making decisions around what kind of support they consent to. Nobody is obligated to utilize any specific type of professional service.
      • To help prevent similar harm from occurring in the future. One tool we might use to prevent future harm is reflection and self-examination. For someone who has caused harm, conditions for future involvement might include reflecting on your role in the event(s) that took place, assessing whether there are any ways you may have acted outside of your integrity, and identifying commitments you’d like to make to grow from these experiences. We can offer you support to engage in reflection, and can offer feedback, while knowing that we cannot force other people to reach specific conclusions or to grow – each of us can only choose to change our own behavior.
  • A few notes about the limits of our support:
    • We won’t be able to comprehensively address all the emotional or material needs of any person involved. With each of the forms of support offered above, more needs might surface that will then need to be addressed outside our organizations. We can’t promise that what we’re offering will make you feel fully supported, or fully resolved. What we can commit to is that our movement will not bury, disregard, or isolate experiences of conflict or harm – instead, we will work to accompany members of our movement in making sense of what’s happened and taking some steps towards transforming the situation and the conditions that caused it.
    • Processes of healing, repair, and growth take years, and will almost certainly continue long after our movement’s response has ended. This doesn’t mean that formal responses should be never-ending, though. We will work with you to gauge what is possible and desirable in the coming months, and support you to work towards those aims.

Acknowledgements & resources

Terms & definitions:

Principles: Kavod Boston

Codes of Conduct:

Responses to Conflict and Harm: 

jdcohen
jdcohen  commented 1 month ago • Updated
#1

Lots of external links in here, planning to come back and replace with archived versions for the ones that still work, and to excise dead links.

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